System Jo Flavored Lubricants Review

H20 Flavored Personal Lubricants are the kind of product that make you get down on your knees and thank God that people in white lab coats invent things for sex. If heaven had a vaginal wall, it would be lined with System Jo lubricants. It literally makes my girlfriend hunger for my penis. Literally! As in, her stomach starts to growl a bit when I lube myself up. But before I get into the nitty-gritty of why their lube, I would say that System Jo lubricants have various flavors and for the sake of keeping it simple, I’ll talk about one of my girlfriend’s favorite flavor. The Red Licorice flavor is the bomb, let me tell you a bit about it’s make up, in case you’re allergic to things that will make your junk fall off.

System Jo LubricantsFirst, its water based, which means you can use it with a condom. I personally don’t use condoms, as I’m in a monogamous relationship, but it is my understanding that you can actually lube up the condom after you place it on your engorged member, and it makes the latex taste like… well, licorice. I guess most men don’t really know what condoms taste like, but I hear it’s like licking an old shoe. This is important to know if you’re a dude. A woman may want to blow you, but no matter how hot she is for you, nobody wants to lick an old shoe. Google this. You will find no information on women licking old shoes.

Enter the System Jo lubricant H2O Red Licorice Flavored (pun intended)! Water based and gluten free. I eat nachos for breakfast, so I personally don’t give a damn about gluten, but I read articles about women (ok, I skim my Facebook newsfeed) and apparently gluten free is now a thing. The point is, System Jo Lubricants H20 doesn’t have any. So, if you’re ever negotiating sex with your wife, this is a selling point. Knowledge is power, friends. Gluten free, water based, and no artificial sweeteners! The competing brands use the same artificial crap they use to sweeten Diet Pepsi, and who wants to fellate a Diet Pepsi? I know I don’t, and neither does your woman. Treat her all fancy and give her the top shelf lubricant. She will thank you. And when she’s done, you will really, really thank her!

Now, at this point I’m gonna get a little blue, because this stuff is really designed for oral sex, and I don’t know how to sound like a college professor and explain what it’s like to get blown when this stuff is all slippery on your balls. What I did to educate myself was, I interviewed my girlfriend after we had sex for the first time with the H20 Red Licorice. I didn’t have a mike or anything, but I did take notes. Rather than quote her verbatim, let me paraphrase what she told me. Before Big Red came into our lives, she saw oral sex as something akin to a job requirement. She wasn’t wild about it, but it was part of the deal. I guess I always figured this, because when I watched her go down on me, it looked like she was distracted, like she was thinking of kittens or her tax return or something, anything to distract her from the taste.

I was shocked to learn the following: as much as we men think our dicks are fantastic, apparently they don’t taste good. Especially if you have to wear a condom, and especially after you’ve been having sex for more than thirty seconds.  You get what she calls the “man funk” working down there, which I gather is unpleasant. My girlfriend used the word “bio-hazard.”

The Jo H20 Red Licorice solves this problem in a way that is as simple as it is genius. Not only does it make your dick taste great, it smells good too! So with just a simple dime sized application of this manna from heaven, my girlfriend went from seeing oral sex as a hassle to a special treat! My God, it makes me teary eyed. And because it tastes good, she’s inclined to keep doing it, on account of the taste and the smell. All you have to do is lie back and let her do her thing. I think about zombies. That’s just me, though. Because it’s so good I don’t want to come until I absolutely have to. The blow job, that is. Not zombies. Though they’re cool, too.

Also, you can masturbate with it. While the taste and smell aren’t really all that important when you’re making sweet, sweet self-love, the water based lube means this stuff last forever. Nothing I hate more than having to stop mid jack to reapply lube. Talk about a mood killer. With Jo H20 lubes, you just lube up your hand and go to town, relaxed in the knowledge that your penis will run out of semen long before your hand gets dry.

Insider’s tip for System Jo Lubricants:

Use your left hand (if you’re right handed) and stroke with your palm facing down. Totally feels like someone else is doing it. Pro tip: Twist your cock a little while you go up and down for extra sensory ba-ga-ga-ga. Don’t know how else to explain it. It’s ba-ga-ga-ga-ga –ga BLAM!

Finally, Red Licorice is cheaper than the crap you can buy at the local pharmacy. It lasts longer, feels better, and costs less. Oh how I love technology. Your girl will love it because it tastes considerably better than your unflavored dick, and you will love it because if your girlfriend is having a good time, you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll have a good time too. And if you happen to get into a fight or something, just borrow the lube, and use it yourself. You literally can’t go wrong with this stuff.

5 stars all around. System Jo H20, thank you for being you. Keep it coming. I know I will!

PS: Don't forget, I was just talking about Red Licorice, Jo has a lot of flavors such as chocolate, cherry, banana, mint, vanilla, and the sort!

Leave a Reply